All or nothing-- Finally.

I didn't realize the severity of the situation that involved pitting the possible love of my life, and best friend on the line for my gambling. It's sinking in after the alcohol settled. I mentioned it before, but I didn't get the reception that I was looking for. It was me, pleading to myself to create some stakes. High stakes, risks, and pitting it all on a chance is how I've learned to live my life. Hard work and consistency have never been something I was good at. I searched for a career choice that I could excel at, but here I go burning up my money because I lack the only skill left to master-- patience. I'm terrified about losing you, but I it's time to put my money where my mouth it. Six months sounds like an eternity to me. My heart rate begins to rise when I think of it happening. I know I'm capable of letting the monster take over and blow everything that I've worked for. In terms of odds, I think a clear minded, and broke Freddy has a chance to overcome this easily, but once the money starts coming in again, it begins to get difficult. Difficult to fight the voices telling me to go, shuffle some chips and get to work-- you know you'll get lucky, you always do. I'm going to do my best to not ruin one of the most precious things to me. I can't chalk up how much disdain I have for being so dramatic. I can do this. I know I can. The only positive my mind can come up with is how much I'll actually be able to save.