I have never felt this sick to my stomach in my life before. I lost last round, last game, and last pixel. It was the scramble and I chocked. I lost my composure and freaked out, because Zangief is a fucking monster. You can never stand still against him, because he will close the gap if you get comfortable. I played so well... I practiced hours on end to figure out the ins-and-outs of the matchup.
Then I failed.
I didn't get to move on and possibly play Momochi on the stream. I was so fucking disappointed in myself, and got to a really bad place mentally. I felt so fucking defeated and the only thing I could think of was to put on my headphones and blast music. I wanted to quit Street Fighter at that exact moment. I wished I could get back all the time, money, and effort I had put into the game. What a fucking joke. Just before I was ready to wallow in perpetual self-pity, I got called for my second match in the losers bracket. Lo and behold-- a fellow Dudley appeared! I chuckled to myself, because I thought it was exactly what I needed to combat my mental-suicide. This is my most played and well known match-up. We were about the same skill level, with my pressure proving to be stronger. The slug-fest was quite a spectacle, because it was such a messy looking match. I won, and we shared some words after. So I thought to myself, "cool, I can still make it out of pools if I try hard enough." Then my next match ended so quickly because I was put on tilt so fast by this Rose player. That match-up forces something inside me to crack from the foundation. All she does is run, run, and poke at you until you're frustrated. I have so many tools to deal with her but she still proves to be a persistent nuisance. The mentality came again and I had to leave the venue to cool off. Constant defeat is a concept that I've tried to understand how to combat effectively, but it will always take a toll on your psyche. The thing that I've taken from it all is that you have to come back stronger. Blast through the glass ceiling that are your limitations. You can't give up, because you'll have wasted the opportunity to be the best you could be.
After recovering, I went to go watch the stream matches, and I never would've imagined what I was about to discover. The side-bets that take place during these matches is so entertaining. I became engulfed in these gambling sessions. I was so engaged by the matches because my money was riding on it. The energy conjured up by cheering for your player to provide positive energy is impossible to understand unless you were there. I amassed so much money betting on the ponies. I realized at that moment that gambling was now on my radar for possible addictions to be wary of. Taking money from top players that I have been watching for years was so fucking satisfying. To add to this, I truly believe I have luck on my side when it comes to 50/50's. I was putting gas when I stopped for a slushie, and I decided to buy a scratcher when I was checking out. I paid five dollars and I got fifty bucks! I was so excited that I offered the clerk five bucks because he told me to buy that brand of scratcher. I actually bought another one when I got home because I stopped at the bank, and I believe I got ten bucks but I'll scan it later and find out. I won't become addicted to gambling, but there is definitely money to be made with smart bets.
I started money matching and playing random people, and I'm good. My character needs to get in, stay in, and I need to work on not dropping shit. I will prepare regimes for specific scenarios and also on specific characters. All I'm missing now is experience, and it's painstakingly obvious. I will become a top player in this year to come because I am surrounded by enough talent that I have no reason but lack of dedication. I'm so close that I can taste it.
The event itself was alright. The lack of set-ups and the fact that it was PS4 was a bummer. I literally used my stick about an hour then the rest of the matches were everyone's stick but mine. One thing that really bothered me all tournament was that there was this girl who works as a translator for Japanese ports, and I was so reluctant to go up and talk to her. I talked to her during SCR Prelude 2 and it was nice, but I just feel like a lame trying to be thirsty during a convention type setting. I think she was expecting me to go up and talk to her because we kept finding ourselves locking gazes and quickly shifting our vision in embarrassment. This was definitely my biggest regret, because I always tell myself to not go for it for some reason. There were three days to at least approach her, and make an effort. I'm not sure if it's the fact that I'm still in the transitional period of moving on mentally, or an actual lack in confidence on my approach-game. I had such a fucking blast though. I am so glad that my circle is full of quality people. One problem I always ran into were making friends with people who didn't have my best interests in mind like I did for them. I will continue to travel with these people and we will continue to help each other along the way. Next major is in San Diego and we're already in talks for another trip.
Oh, wow, I almost forgot to touch on Street Fighter V! The game is ridiculously fun, and I actually was gate-keeper for a few sets. R. Mika is ridiculously strong and I had a blast having a 50/50 grab game. the pace of the game is so strange. I feel as though my lack of fundamentals definitely shows because it's a footsie-orientated game. But it feels about .7 faster than Ultra. I'm incredibly excited that I got the opportunity to play Laura too! She was really strange. I honestly feel as though there are way too many grapplers in this game already. She definitely feels unique to the franchise though. The no hard knock-downs is also something that you need to get used to. Hopefully when it comes out I'll be able to stream it efficiently!
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