Connections

I was late on the last entry due to not writing until Monday. It was such a therapeutic one too. I had an hour lunch and just wrote and wrote. Makes the time go by fast and really stimulates my mind. My friend has been editing my work, and it makes me realize how deprived I am of being rated critically. I forgot how important it is to make sure to read, or just challenging yourself mentally so your brain doesn't turn to mush. I haven't really told anyone but him, but I'm going to write an auto-biography as a memento to the astounding life I've lived so far. All the good, the bad -- every nook and cranny. This is why I started writing. I might turn these into entries to recount events, but I don't know if this blog will become too convoluted.

I mentioned the "Tuesdaze" last entry, and I got called out on being too vague. I didn't write much on it, because I couldn't explain it well. But after another one, I really feel weak on Tuesday. I feel mentally vacant, like a husk. I was fairly productive that day; you have to take advantage of your free time when you only having one day off a week.

I absolutely love juicing, and I especially love beets. I’ll make sure to juice every day off and continue making a pitcher full -- hopefully my family can drink some too. It's like an energy tonic; I use carrots, celery, apples, spinach, bell peppers (red, green, and yellow), and fat-ass beets. The only downside is I make such a mess, but there really isn't an excuse not to clean it up since I have the whole day.

I also did a good amount of yard work. I laugh to myself whenever I think of my first actual job. When a new Pokémon game I wanted was going to come out, I would go around and mow my neighbors’ lawns. I specifically wanted both versions because I knew one of my friends would want to play it, and I would trade from the beginning to get all the starters. That probably started at the age of twelve. I was going to get all the homies and start a summertime business, since I have the tools and experience. It's not too demanding of work and the payoff is decent, but you know how it goes -- people don't wanna work!

After I finished juicing, my mom wanted to eat. So we went to one of our favorite Chinese places, Little Szechwan. I enjoy getting my mom alone because she can speak freely without anyone else judging or holding her back from expressing herself. I've finally been successful with convincing her to comprehend the idea of starting and running our own business. I hit her close to home and told her Henry (my step-father) probably won't be able to work in three years due to his body catching up with him. I told her we can do it if we start saving, and maybe in three years it wouldn't be such a far-fetched idea. I expressed that if she took a second to look around the boulevard where we were eating, she would realize there were so many different businesses; and being on the boulevard gave it consistent traffic.

Today I'm undergoing the sketchiest business transaction of my life thus far. I’m prepared to give one of my costumers $300 in exchange for a fixie bike. It's sketchy because I've only seen the bike in a picture and she's being a middle man. My mom has been adamant about me reconsidering and just going to a store. But my mother is the most paranoid, indecisive, suspicious, and over-protective women I know. Always something someone shouldn't be doing, but regardless she’s just looking out for me. I can't express how I appreciate it, because she goes into "I've lived longer, and I know more." Obviously, mother, but you don't have to be so arrogant about it. Kerry is the chick. She hasn't shown up yet, so I'm sketched out. But I'm crossing fingers hoping I'll be rewarded for trusting someone with my own judgment.

Update on the bike: This chick didn't show up at all that day, and I told my mom I would be riding my bike home. So me being the all-powerful improviser -- I ended up running three-and-a-half miles to my friend Jahlil’s house.

I love Jahlil so much. He needs someone to help guide him because he's so lost right now. It's as if I'm looking into a time machine and seeing myself six months ago. We spoke about many things, but the main one was a concern I had and made me take my drastic step of cutting off my friends. He hates that his current friends just smoke and chill -- that's it. Nothing exciting. No adding to their life experiences. Just being stoners. And I have to say, that isn’t how you use marijuana. You have it augment your experience and add an unforgettable memory. It's always an adventure when Mary is around~

We went to WinCo because munchies, obviously. I had an interesting experience I don't think I'll ever forget. (Side note: I think I've converted to almond milk.) We were walking back to his house and from what I saw, this girl needed help. She was screaming "get away from me!” and “I need help!"

I've always fantasized of helping people in dire situations, so I told Jahlil we were going over there. So we run up to this guy, and I question him in an assertive voice. "What's going on?" I’m ready to sock the shit out of this guy, but then I see the girl; she’s tripping the fuck out. She was being delusional. Her friend told me later that she just took a dab before arriving there, so I'm assuming her demons were getting to her. I grabbed her and kept her at arm’s length because she seemed like she was going to claw or jump on me. I asked what she saw, and she started to sit in the middle of the parking lot and tell me she only saw black. This bitch was looking at the gravel! I convinced her to sit on the curb, but she ended up crawling there on all four. I had to tell her to follow my voice and stop on the gray (the curb). Finally, I settled her down by having her take deep breaths and focus on a tree in the distance. I felt like I was 100% in control and that I could calm her down. It was such a surreal experience. Her friends were a bunch of fuck bois, too. One came up to me while I was trying to help her. He thought I gave a shit and told me he has a scholarship lined up and he didn't want to mess it up. Imagine being this naive and not focusing on your friend. I had to leave, so I patted her on the back and told her great job. There’s this look that people get when they're under the influence. It scares me because we have a power when we use our words. Nothing in the world matters, just what they're focusing on and you have their undivided attention. I know I'll have to get used to it for the future, but damn is it unnerving.

Yvette came home. Although I joke about it with my friend, I truly think she’s the love of my life. I've come to terms with there not being a mutual attraction. I like how she appreciates the world so much, and it opened my eyes. She was my companion last summer. We talked a lot and hung out even more. It was so nice having it be my last summer of hanging out and being free from adulthood. She even met my circle jerk (my Internet boys) when they came out here for Hard Summer (two day EDM festival). I've also helped her grow; I just found out I'm one of the only people whom she can carry a conversation about things that actually matter, not just simple dialogue. She always comes through -- she calls me and then all of a sudden it turns into an adventure.

I got to know her little brother, spending so much time at her house. It's crazy seeing yourself in people. This kid was being raised exactly how I was, and it disgusted me. He was being taught about the world with a veil between him and the truth. The world is a fucked up place and raising a child with nativity is asking for trouble. He hasn't truly left the womb, because his mother is just as overbearing as mine. We talked about racism and his friends and what they discussed. It was cute how he got all embarrassed when I asked him if he liked any girls. This kid said three! I was a little player when I was his age too. We told him that even though we're adults, we can be his friends and confidants if there’s anything on his mind. We connected so easily thanks to video games. He's going to be a great young man, but he needs to be exposed to the world and embrace it. ‘Good kid, MAAD world’ seems to fit.

Saturday is Spooky Saturday's, and I try to hype it up as much as possible so people can come through. I'm doing pretty well with my goal, and I think I'll actually be able to make it to 300 followers by the end of March. But back to Saturday: I ended up almost not going to Yvette’s get together because, I was gaming with my gamer. It’s my favorite thing at the end of long days -- pretty sure it's the only thing keeping me sane. Especially since we haven't spent much time together this past week because I fall asleep. But I said I was going to go, so I shall. I got bitched at by my friends who were at Yvette’s house. I said I was leaving early because I had obligations, leaving out the specifics. I haven't gained any confidence when it comes to what I do every night. Maybe in a couple of years I'll speak up. Streaming won't be so unheard of, and my asset will actually be something great by then. Anyway, I ended up getting home around eleven because I was enjoying myself and I haven't gone out in a good minute.

I went out back with Yvette again and enjoyed sharing a session. We ended up meditating in the middle of her backyard under the stars. I fucking love nature and its beauty. I’ll see the world and all it has to offer while I'm still a young adventurer. I explained how when I see her, I feel as if it's a checkpoint, since it's always every couple of months. I share my hopes and dreams, and it’s going to be satisfying when everything finally comes together and becomes a reality. I told her I'm on a mission to become the best human being in the world. You can call me a try–hard, but it’s easy to make things "perfect" with a little extra effort. Being able to make unforgettable experiences for people means a lot to me.

The final goodbyes were had today. I would make deliveries once or twice a week to this prison in my town. All the people in there were so nice. I made many connections with the workers, even an invitation to work there when I turned twenty-one. There were two people who I hope I cross paths with again: Douglas, the security guard I would chit–chat and share my plans with, and one of the cafeteria ladies. I never got her name, but she would call me mijo (son in Spanish). Her late son and I share birthdays. She explained how he was shot around my age because he was down in Los Angeles and I guess some guys thought he was a gang-banger from another part of town. This lady even invited me to her other son’s birthday party, which I flaked on because I wasn’t sure how it was going to go. She would always ask how my day went, and every single time she asked if she could get a lower price on Ice!

Douglas is one of the chilliest guys I’ve ever met. It started off with talking about what I was studying at school. And obviously I’m going to take the opportunity to ramble on about myself. I told him how I plan on running for Mayor and that he should vote for me when the time comes. After the weeks went by, it would be a really cool part of the day for him because he works at the check in. I’m sure he doesn’t have too many conversations, because it’s a pass and go type of deal. I’m going to try to help him get a job at Sygma if it all works out. He was starting the classes for a class A license to become a truck driver. He just needs to make more money for his family, and the reality is that he’s going to have to change occupations even if overtime is pretty good for them. But I got his number, and he sent me a reassuring text that we’ll be in contact.

Ose (my mentor) has helped me to develop at an accelerated rate. He cut the bullshit and told me what works and what doesn’t. I finally didn’t go to sleep or do something later in the night, so I called him for a conference. He’s going to East-Africa and Switzerland for a business trip, to talk policies on a contract he wrote up. Our last encounter was when a lot of problems were happening between me and my family. It’s crazy how much time has elapsed already. I told him today that I’m going to be rich and I’m going to tell everyone I have him to thank for it. Discussing my plans with him and sharing positive news was so satisfying. He knew right away when I lied to him about smoking because I looked to the right and not at his face. I’m going to check out a book, The Power of Focus, so I’ll try to stop by and buy that sometime this week. I’d like to write down a list of things he said:

He shared a Nixon quote that fit my story: “Only if you have been in the deepest valley, can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain.”

One of our favorite ones by Scarface: “First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the woman.”

And the last thing he told me before I left was: “Life is what happens while you are busy making plans.” - Allen Saunders